As I head out to get my first chemo treatment, please Pray with with me.

If you are reading this post, then I am sure you are one of the very many people in my life who care and are concerned about me! I feel it! Thank you so much. Without my loved ones I could not get through this!
I sit here trying to understand how I feel. Nervous just doesn't explain it! I am so overwhelmed with shear fear I can barely think. This has to be the most frightening thing I have ever done! I have had major surgeries, given birth to 3 children, got married 2 times and 1 divorce. I have had and seen death of people very dear to me, made life changing moves and choices. None of that comes close to how frightening this is!
For several years I have tried to take care of my body to as to have a long life and watch my children grow up. I eat and drink organic foods,I refuse pharmaceuticals that may be more harmful than good, I take vitamins and I don't eat red meats. I limit my consumption of salts, fats and sugars. I don't drink sodas or other chemicals. I always wear sunblock SPF 1-million. But now I have to have the strength to walk into Kaisers chemo infusion center and let them put a needle in me that with dose me with drugs that are poisonous and can kill me in a small way. They both have several side effects, so they gave me more drugs to offset those including I have to give myself shots everyday for 7 days after each chemo to keep my white blood counts in check. UGH! After my pancreatitis adventure I was told that if I didn't watch my sugar consumption I could develop diabetes. The shots alone scared me straight! Now this Ugh ugh damn!!
If this last 4 years of my life has taught me anything, it has to be keep that faith. Something that is very hard for us humans. We want proof, something tangible. If we don't see it we don't believe it, and if we don't understand it we question it. I have to believe. It give me peace and calms my mind. With that said if you wish I would like you to pray with me. I hope this brings you a little peace and calms your mind so we both can get through this day!

Heavenly Father,
I thank you Lord for loving me and wrapping your arms around me. I feel you there, I know You don't want me to suffer. Isaiah 66:9 says, " I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord". I believe that!
I thank You for being with me holding me tight through this whole cancer journey. Your love gave me the strength to get through it last time and I am faithful Your love and guidance with get me through this journey!
I sit here today full of fear and anger from what lays ahead of me this day. I ask that you give me the strength I need to walk through those doors at Kaiser allow the practitioners do what they are trained and skilled to do and not curl up in a ball on the floor and sob. I pray that your will put Your hand on the shoulders of the staff at Kaiser to help them have a calm mind and keep focused to do their jobs. This isnt easy for them.
 I ask that You help me keep  open heart to You so that I can hear and understand when You are guiding me telling me what I need to do go get through this.
Lord I ask that You wrap Your arms around my husband and touch his heart to remind him You are there with him He is just as frightened and overwhelmed as I am. I pray that he asks You for guidance to help him so that he can help me.
Lord I also ask that you place Your heavenly hand on my children and my beautiful new Grandson. They too are suffering, and are afraid. It's hard to watch a parent get sick!
Lastly Lord I want to thank you sooo much for ALL my friends that I give You all the credit for being in my life!! They are truly Heaven sent! Without these people that You Lord have brought in my life  I would not have the strength to do what I had to do each day to battle cancer.  I know we humans aren't suppose roam earth alone. Thank You for all of them!
I have so much to be thankful for and so many blessing. I give You all the credit for these and I will praise You for the rest of my days. Your will Your way always!
I ask this in Jesus name Amen

I thank you for taking time to read this, and I love you all!
So time to pull my big girl pants up and get it done.
I'm not done, I got this!!

I will keep you updated.

Brené Brown: Listening to shame

This is Brene Brown. I suggest you watch all her videos. I do! Why? because they all touched me in some way.
2 years ago while working my 4th step in a 12 step group I had a collision with shame, both past and present. It was a toxin in me. Something that was making it difficult to be happy and live a good life. It took me a month to deal with the shame I discovered I had been carrying around all these years. Brenes videos and books helped me!
Enjoy!!

I

Choose happy!

The art of forgiveness: Getting free from anger

This is the fourth and fifth posts in my Facebook on this. OK GOT IT! LOL

The art of forgiveness: Getting free from anger: "The art of forgiveness: Getting free from anger
Forgiveness is not easy when you have been betrayed. Instead, it's a way to grow toward being a happier, more loving person.

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Margaret Crowe

Resentment is one of the most damaging of human emotions. The perception of feeling wronged or betrayed can quickly harden into bitterness if we don’t make the effort to learn to grow past the fault we were dealt. Sometimes it may feel as though holding on to anger empowers us, or that if we forgive then we are approving of the action that hurt us so deeply. But you may be familiar with the cliché, “Holding on to bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. more,,,,,

and the fifth post today,,,

LDS Memes - New Testament - Luke 23:34:

The Twofold Promise of Forgiveness | True Woman

This seems to be the theme of the day. I had this subject come up on my Facebook wall three times today from different sources. Hum, there may be something to this message?

The Twofold Promise of Forgiveness | True Woman: "Forgiveness

Nancy Leigh DeMoss | 07.02.14
Twitter: @NancyDeMoss

I know just enough about computers, as they say, to be dangerous. But one thing I've learned the hard way is the meaning of that little button that's spelled D-E-L.
That's right. The delete key. (I'm guessing you know about that one yourself.)
Believers, of all people, should appreciate the joy of forgiveness . . . because of knowing what a treasure it is to be purely and perfectly forgiven.
Like you, I can think of times when I was working away at something on my computer and accidentally pressed the delete button, only to watch all my hard work vanish into thin air, leaving behind nothing but a blank screen of forgotten words."



'via Blog this'

Free at last: I forgive you

This is powerful!




Free at last: I forgive you: "

Forgiveness is letting go of the feelings associated with an offense or wrongdoing against us. This doesn't absolve fault, but does free the forgiver from the chains of anger, hatred and vengeance. We all offend and are offended, so why is it sometimes difficult to forgive?

We must forgive

God requires us to forgive and to repent so we can seek his forgiveness for our own transgressions. Through his example at Calvary, Jesus taught us forgiveness. Despite his torture — flogging, mocking and carrying his own cross and then his hands and feet being nailed to that cross, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

Many of us know this and still hold grudges against friends and family members while we quickly forgive a stranger. Why are the ones we can rely on, more,,,,,,

July is Sarcoma awareness month.

Well it is July again. July is Sarcoma awareness month. Until last July I was "unaware" so to speak! I was diagnosed with a Sarcoma tumor in my thigh last July 29th.

I guess awareness means getting informed. Know the symptoms, check yourself and your children. Because cancer survival is early detection! Also awareness is, getting the word out about this type cancer. Finding a cure, better treatments and detection methods, raising money for people who can't afford treatment, getting support. Knowledge is key!

I am aware! I hope that you don't have to get this diagnosis to make you aware. Make the yellow ribbon as recognisable as the pink ribbon!

Good news, EPIC news!

I just got the MRI results. trying to type while jumping around!

Drs message read, 
"MRI showed NO evidence of recurrent sarcoma. Good news"

He is a man of little words but he gets to the point! this will mark the second clear MRI since finishing radiation. I feel comfortable to call myself a cancer survivor, finally. My oncologist is also confident it seems as he pushed off the next MRI to 4 months instead of 3. I take that as good. 

Forgive - Thursday, June 05, 2014 | Daily Word

Forgive - Thursday, June 05, 2014 | Daily Word: "Forgive
I FORGIVE AND MAKE A FRESH START.
Mountain climbing with a heavy pack is difficult and burdensome, especially if the pack is full of unnecessary items. That’s how it feels when I carry the weight of resentment or anger with me day after day. Yet through the practice of forgiveness, I am able to let these burdens go."

If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.—Matthew 6:14

If I Can Be Thankful in This Situation . . .

If I Can Be Thankful in This Situation . . .
When you start to focus on things you’re thankful for, it just has a way of transforming your outlook, your attitude, and the whole environment around you

The not-so cold, hard truth about the open-intake, “kill” animal shelter and its employees | loveabullfoster

I love this!



The not-so cold, hard truth about the open-intake, “kill” animal shelter and its employees | loveabullfoster: "The not-so cold, hard truth about the open-intake, “kill” animal shelter and its employees"



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It Doesn't Hurt to Look, Does It? Porn can affect the whole family!

Here are some good articles on viewing porn, and the effects on the family.

It Doesn't Hurt to Look, Does It? | Psychology Today: "You might think viewing pornography can’t hurt a real-life relationship. Some even claim that erotic material impacts their relationships in positive ways. So a team of researchers at Florida State University developed an experiment to determine how consuming pornography affects adults' commitment to romantic relationships."

http://familyshare.com/pornography-is-not-a-victim-less-habit
Pornography is everywhere. No longer is it just reserved for magazines. Pornography is found on the radio, the Internet, smartphones, television, in books, in emails and in ads and billboards that are all easily accessible to adults and children alike.

http://familyshare.com/whats-so-bad-about-pornography telling your son about porn.

http://familyshare.com/recovering-a-marriage-from-pornography-wreckage-3-aspects-of-recovery
Pornography can take a desperate toll on marriage. According to Covenant Eyes’ 2014 statistics, 56 percent of divorce cases involve at least one party in the marriage who “obsessively” looks at porn.

http://familyshare.com/safeguard-your-children-against-pornography

http://familyshare.com/myths-about-pornography
There was a time in the United States that school children were taught that cigarette smoking didn't cause cancer. The tobacco industry profited from their parents' smoking while thousands died, according the Huffington Post. Now another industry profits from an addiction that can enter your home, free of charge, on your smartphone or iPad.

What I Wish My Friends Knew

Most pornography viewers are completely unaware of the harms and the negative side effects of pornography use. Here is a list of all the things that I wish my friends knew before they started watching porn. http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/media/i/what-i-wish-my-friends-knew

more,,
http://familyshare.com/topics/addiction

How to Keep Our Thoughts from Making Us Miserable

How to Keep Our Thoughts from Making Us Miserable:

“Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” ~William Shakespeare

I thought I knew what happiness was. I experienced it, and did so for a while—that is, what I thought was happiness.

What I was calling happiness was merely an emotion. Emotions, feelings that arise in the body, come into existence when we have thoughts related to them.

When I have certain thoughts having to do with anger, then I will feel, actually physically feel, angry. When I have thoughts that are positive, then I will feel the feeling, or emotion, that we call happiness. more,,,,

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Live as if you were to die tomorrow,

Quotes inspiration

Heres whats on my craft table

It's crazy around here these days! My oldest daughter is going to have here first baby in August and is getting married in 2 weeks. 

Here is what is on my craft table this week. I crocheted her a bridal garter, pattern here I'm also making her wedding dress (not formal) and I tossed some baby shoes in there for fun!

pattern here.

Pop on over to my sewing blog page or crochet blog for for crafting fun. Links at top of this page.

Happy Crocheting!

Look Up

What to Do in Those "I Can't Handle It!" Moments | True Woman

What to Do in Those "I Can't Handle It!" Moments | True Woman

God is able and willing grant us the grace to victoriously walk through any and every difficult circumstance we may face.

It's my pity party, and I will cry if I want to!

Welcome to my 

pity party. 

No one else invited!

Yes this is my pity party, and I will cry if I want to!

For those of you who don't know what a pity party is, let me explain. 

First when you are hosting a pity party, you are the only guest in attendance. There usually aren’t any balloons or cake. Bummer huh? A pity party is more a state of mind. A place you allow yourself to go to feel sorry for yourself. We like to share our woes hoping other people will want to attend our pity party and feel sorry for us. If we spend too much time at this party we feel worse about the situation that got us there.  I'm not talking about the occasional slump we all go through feeling stress or letting ourselves get overwhelmed my life. I'm talking about the "wallows". "No one loves me, I think I'll go in the yard and eat worms". 

I don't want to say my life is the worse it gets or that my problems are more horrible of difficult than others. We all have our own stories and problems. 

These last 4 plus years have been the worse years for me.

To begin with, My Mother suffered from Alzheimer’s and her decease was advancing rapidly. She no longer recognized me when I went to visit her in her home.

My Husbands step father, my Grandfather and, My Father all passed away in a close time frame.

My step son got a DUI. (I won’t even get into this mess!)

My marriage of 13 years crumbled. This was the beginning of several more years of disclosures and pain.

I had health issues, depression and I lost over 70 pounds in 6 months.

Then had an emergency gall bladder surgery and problems with my pancreas and blood pressure for a few months. I had to be rushed to the ER because I passed out in a convenience store. I landed on a Gatorade display. My head still hurts when I see a bottle of Gatorade.

I had a mental breakdown, and was on a boat load of different antidepressants.

I had to leave my job,

During all this I had to keep my head clear to plan my daughter’s wedding. Something I really wanted to do despite my mental capacity.

I experienced several other deaths including close friends and I lost 2 cats,

Then I was diagnosed with cancer, (needle scratching across record sound here)

Wait there is more,

My Mother became very ill and my brother and I had to admit her to hospice where she later passed away the first week of my radiation treatments.

I had surgery to remove the cancerous tumor and as I mentioned radiation treatment.

9 months later I'm still recovering from radiation and I am being treated for Lymphedema. Radiation treatment on my hip has jumpstarted me into menopause. 

I haven't been able to work for 10 months. 

This was from the end of 2009 to date.

I have spent a fare amount of time by myself at my pity parties. At some point I decided to stop allowing myself to wallow long in this space. I had to start giving myself time limits to cry and feel sorry for myself. Then I had to try to snap myself out of it, pull my big girl pants up and get on with my day.

Some days were easier than others. In the first couple months after learning of my husband’s betrayal I spent most of my days crying and in a state of hopelessness. I would take showers and huddle in the corner on the floor sobbing until the water heater ran out of hot water.  I spent so many days in this state that it became comfortable. Not a good thing!  To make a longer story short, I found help via a 12 step program, friends, family, and therapy. I experienced recovery and healing.

Today I recognized quickly that I was feeling sorry for myself. I felt down and grumpy. I even had some anger deep inside. I recognized this, sat with it for awhile and ding the timer went off. (In my head). I found something to distract me and snap me out of this slump. Today I watered my vegetable garden and flowers. I wrote this blog. Other days I journal or text a friend. This was a healthier response than years ago.

I don’t beat myself up for throwing these pity parties. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I do try to learn from my mistakes.I just tell myself that I snapped myself out of a slump before I can do it again.

I remember years ago when I was going through a divorce from my first husband. I was feeling sorry for myself. I was chatting with another Mom at my daughter’s school telling her my sob story. Her response caught me off guard in fact it kind of pissed me off. She said to me, “You are in charge of your own destiny”.  “If you don’t like where you are at or going in your life, change it”.

Ha what a bitch I thought! I smiled and walked away. Vowing to never talk to her again!

I now realize that my reaction to what she said was that of an unstable person. Someone throwing a pity parting and she chose not to attend. It took me years to come to the same conclusion. I am in charge of my own destiny, and if I don’t like where my life is I have to change it. In the 12 step program it says, “If you don’t change, nothing changes”. I concur.

With recovery and growth I realize that I am in charge if my own destiny and I have to make my own Happy!

 

I hope that sharing my story has inspired you to take off that pity party hat, and get living! Make some changes. Your are in control. Live like you were dyeing. 

You can find me out in my garden soaking up the sun. I'm wearing a sun hat these day!

You may also enjoy an older post of mine,

 "God helps those who help themselves"

The Four agreements

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book): Don Miguel Ruiz: 9781878424310: AmazonSmile: Books:

Myths about sexual addiction

by: Ben Luthi

Nov 07, 2012  

via; http://familyshare.com/

Myths about sexual addiction: "Sexual addiction is a nasty thing. But misconceptions about addiction and the addict themselves act to suppress addiction recovery and healing."

Does God answer prayers?

This morning when I was thinking about a blog subject I was thinking about praying as one. Then I saw this article on my Facebook feed. My blog is done today!




Go check it out and then drop to your knees and give it a try!

Does God answer prayers?:

Today I am grateful for...

(1) Today I am grateful for...: "Today I am grateful to be able to celebrate another birthday! At my age, I use to shutter at the thought of getting older. But 9 months ago I was diognosed with cancer. Thanks to modern medicine, and the love of God I made it through treatment. My future looks good and today I celebrate!"

You're in Remission: What Next?

This was an article I read a couple days ago. It really made me stop and think about my own "remission". I don't call it that yet. 

I have experienced many things mentioned in this article. Inability to find my New Normal, fatigue, Survivor guilt, and still healing from treatment. I struggle calling myself a "cancer survivor" because I'm waiting for that other foot to drop.

 I expected to just go back to the old me after treatment. But cancer changes you!

 Im off to journal and blog about this.#stupidcancer





You're in Remission: What Next? - WhatNext:



'via Blog this'

Same-sex couples in California have the freedom to marry!!

Marriage for Same-Sex Couples in California

Thanks to the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling in Hollingsworth v. Perry, same-sex couples in California have the freedom to marry once again.

California | Lambda Legal:

Its about time California!

AND I AM THE ORDAINED MINISTER THAT CAN HELP MAKE THAT HAPPEN!

Go to my webpage for details and contact information today! 

I Dos By Becca b-burgess.com

I Dos by Becca @ b-burgess.com

It' nice day for a wedding!

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Why do bad things happen to good people????

Why do bad things happen to good people:

The 2014 Guide to the Sarcoma Universe | For the Newly Diagnosed

The 2014 Guide to the Sarcoma Universe has just been published! http://sarcomahelp.org/newly-diagnosed.html

This expanded and updated "guide for the whole person" helps new patients and their loved ones to understand a sarcoma diagnosis, seek the best care, manage treatment, cope well and find support. It is featured in the latest issue of ESUN.http://sarcomahelp.org/esun.html





The 2014 Guide to the Sarcoma Universe | For the Newly Diagnosed:



#Cancer, #Sarcoma

'via Blog this'

It's A Beautiful Day - Jamie Grace (with lyrics)

Praise Him (playlist)

Praise Him (playlist)

Another Rant or vent post; Fighting cancer one moment at a time!

Feeling, "UGH' today. My thigh is swollen and I'm feeling "clammy". I got a Dr's appointment later. But my mind is racing with all the possibilities of why this swelling in this location. Near the lymph nodes.
I usually read cancer support boards for support, but today its painful and scary. Cancer reminds us that we are not invincible. Life is short and we don't always have control of what takes us and when. That feeling of being "out of control" is frightening! I think about how I was living before my diagnosis. I wasn't worried about dying. I went about my life as if I had years  to enjoy my life. Yet I could have been killed in a car crash or had a heart attack at any moment. It happens. We are all dying. But a cancer diagnoses gives you a hint of how you may die, and in some cases a date. Think about that. That's pretty scary!  That hard part is being able to not think about it and live your life. The people I hear about that can are true inspirations! It's easy to say you have to take life "One day at a time". or, "Live like you were dying". But its so hard to live it! Its harder when you're tired and not feeling well. You lose your momentum.
I'm tired of being sick and tired. I tired of going to Kaiser every 2 or 3 days! I want my life back. I want to go to work and make plans for my future. I don't want to have to cancel plans to go to Dr's appointments.  I want to walk my dog without pain. I want people to ask me how I am and not have an answer regarding my cancer. I want to be able to call myself a "survivor". That title is so important to me. It takes such a great level of patients to get there and I don't have a lot these days.
I refer to this as "Cancer the gift that keeps giving". If its not one thing its another. I went from diagnoses and the struggles to have tests and then surgery then to radiation and now the healing. The healing is as difficult as the treatments. A long a slow process.

Now that I have that off my chest, I can see that I have to relax. I have to live in the moment and take this one moment at a time. I am healing slowly. I have come a long way in my treatment. I haven't been given a death sentence so far. I have to stop trying to predict the future and live for today.
What am I grateful for? What are my blessings? How can I live like I was dying, even if its not for many many years?

For all of you who have just lost 5 minutes of your life reading this blog, I ask you a favor.

Live today like you were dying!

because you are!

"It's a nice day for a white wedding"!

What a nice day for a wedding, don't you agree?

I have recently become a ordained minister and I can perform marriages and renew vows. I am so excited! I love weddings and the energy on that day!

 Check out my website for more details "I dos by Becca" http://b-burgess.com

email= beccab @ b-burgess dot com

If you or anyone you know wants to get married in Northern California, let me know or give them my contact.

also on Facebook. and Pinterest! 

Cancer, the gift that keeps on giving.

I need to vent.
Another day dealing with the side affects of cancer treatment. (eff cancer!!)
 I have avoided updating my status on Facebook with my day to day struggles with cancer I think because I am avoiding it. I haven't written in my journal or blogged about it.. Avoiding dealing with it.  A lil self psychology. 

The wound from surgery in August hasn't fully healed due to the radiation treatment last Oct-Nov, done so soon after surgery. Now I have an staff infection in it and I am on the second round of antibiotics. I went to a wound nurse and discussed another possible surgery on the infected spot. It as has been a true challenge trying to bandage my thigh. Picture this, The top of your thigh is larger than the lower part and mine has been burn 3/4 of the way around it. So I cant use tape or any adhesives. I use wrap. Then I walk and it slides off. I wrap more and get creative with pinning to my underwear etc etc,, It slides off. UGH! Now I have to keep it clean and covered, (My Dr says, "Creen" lol he's Chinese). The wound nurse has a special dressing with a cream to soften the area I have to leave on until it heals. AND,, I cant shower for 2-3 days. UGH again!
In the mean time my Oncologist has not been able to a MRI to see if the radiation was able to zap the remaining tumor. So I may still have some cancer in there. AUGH!!
I have been dealing with this since surgery last Aug. I'm ready to move on. I want to take my dog on walks and sit and rest with out discomfort.  I am walking better without a cane now. That is good!
There I admitted it! I'm frustrated and I am allowing myself to feel defeated.
I have cancer it doesn't have me. I feel like I'm at my first 12 step meeting.
"My Name is Becca, I have cancer".  Hum maybe I touched on my problem. I have to face it!. Defeat it!

THANKS FOR LISTENING I GOT IT OFF MY CHEST! LUV YA!

Farewell 2013! You will not be missed!

This is not a fond farewell to 2013. This last year has been the most difficult year I can remember!