This past year has been crazy for me. It feels like the older I get the faster life speeds by me. So many things are happening in my life right now. I find myself looking back to my past regretting not doing things differently. I'm not sure if it is maturity or menopause. (More on this later). My children are grown and working on their lives. None of them have children yet. This is good for them but difficult for me. I am excited at the thought of being a Grandma. My mother was a awesome grandmother to my children in every way! I say was, because she has been stricken with one of the worse diseases to hit the older generation Alzheimer's. She is in a care home now and doesn't know her family or the grandchildren she loved so much. She wear diapers and laughs a lot. Her father also had Alzheimer's and pasted away recently. I am afraid this disease is hereditary and I wont be able to spend time with grandchildren or worse I will have enough time with them and then be stricken with the disease only to bring heart break to them. I know too well the heart ache of having someone in this condition. You loose your memories, you independence your dignity. This is one of the many thoughts I have bombarding my brain daily as I drive around working. After awhile I get depressed. This is the Menopause again. I said I would say more on this.
In recent months I have what I call "waves" of symptoms. Depressions, migraines, stomach ailments, appetite changes, hot flashes and loss of sleep. To me it feels like PMS on steroids. These symptoms have been coming on every few weeks and last for about a week. More intense as the months go by. This last month was the worse. My husband asked me to call my Dr. (haven't yet). I felt like a blob. When asked a question I couldn't come up with a answer. I was unable to make decisions. I couldn't even decide what to eat or what to wear, and everything made me cry. The depression slowly faded although I feel it trying to rear its ugly head now and then. (more on the failed Chicken and Alfredo dinner).
I mentioned the thoughts bombarding my brain. I drive for a living. Sometime a hundred miles a day. Not your big time truck driver miles, but enough to pick at your sanity. When you alone with your thoughts anything is fair game. I tend to take on stresses form people around me. I want to help them or fix their life. I usually find the best fix is money. I have been kind of low on that lately. Besides my part time sales job, I also have my Real Estate Agent License. I love selling real estate but have been unable to in this bad economy. Don't get me started on the economy. I blame corporate America and greed for most of our problems. Yet I currently work for a big corporation as does my husband and I shop at Walmart to save money. This is a whole new subject. More on this later. See what I mean about my sanity?