Thursday, September 04, 2014

As I head out to get my first chemo treatment, please Pray with with me.

If you are reading this post, then I am sure you are one of the very many people in my life who care and are concerned about me! I feel it! Thank you so much. Without my loved ones I could not get through this!
I sit here trying to understand how I feel. Nervous just doesn't explain it! I am so overwhelmed with shear fear I can barely think. This has to be the most frightening thing I have ever done! I have had major surgeries, given birth to 3 children, got married 2 times and 1 divorce. I have had and seen death of people very dear to me, made life changing moves and choices. None of that comes close to how frightening this is!
For several years I have tried to take care of my body to as to have a long life and watch my children grow up. I eat and drink organic foods,I refuse pharmaceuticals that may be more harmful than good, I take vitamins and I don't eat red meats. I limit my consumption of salts, fats and sugars. I don't drink sodas or other chemicals. I always wear sunblock SPF 1-million. But now I have to have the strength to walk into Kaisers chemo infusion center and let them put a needle in me that with dose me with drugs that are poisonous and can kill me in a small way. They both have several side effects, so they gave me more drugs to offset those including I have to give myself shots everyday for 7 days after each chemo to keep my white blood counts in check. UGH! After my pancreatitis adventure I was told that if I didn't watch my sugar consumption I could develop diabetes. The shots alone scared me straight! Now this Ugh ugh damn!!
If this last 4 years of my life has taught me anything, it has to be keep that faith. Something that is very hard for us humans. We want proof, something tangible. If we don't see it we don't believe it, and if we don't understand it we question it. I have to believe. It give me peace and calms my mind. With that said if you wish I would like you to pray with me. I hope this brings you a little peace and calms your mind so we both can get through this day!

Heavenly Father,
I thank you Lord for loving me and wrapping your arms around me. I feel you there, I know You don't want me to suffer. Isaiah 66:9 says, " I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord". I believe that!
I thank You for being with me holding me tight through this whole cancer journey. Your love gave me the strength to get through it last time and I am faithful Your love and guidance with get me through this journey!
I sit here today full of fear and anger from what lays ahead of me this day. I ask that you give me the strength I need to walk through those doors at Kaiser allow the practitioners do what they are trained and skilled to do and not curl up in a ball on the floor and sob. I pray that your will put Your hand on the shoulders of the staff at Kaiser to help them have a calm mind and keep focused to do their jobs. This isnt easy for them.
 I ask that You help me keep  open heart to You so that I can hear and understand when You are guiding me telling me what I need to do go get through this.
Lord I ask that You wrap Your arms around my husband and touch his heart to remind him You are there with him He is just as frightened and overwhelmed as I am. I pray that he asks You for guidance to help him so that he can help me.
Lord I also ask that you place Your heavenly hand on my children and my beautiful new Grandson. They too are suffering, and are afraid. It's hard to watch a parent get sick!
Lastly Lord I want to thank you sooo much for ALL my friends that I give You all the credit for being in my life!! They are truly Heaven sent! Without these people that You Lord have brought in my life  I would not have the strength to do what I had to do each day to battle cancer.  I know we humans aren't suppose roam earth alone. Thank You for all of them!
I have so much to be thankful for and so many blessing. I give You all the credit for these and I will praise You for the rest of my days. Your will Your way always!
I ask this in Jesus name Amen

I thank you for taking time to read this, and I love you all!
So time to pull my big girl pants up and get it done.
I'm not done, I got this!!

I will keep you updated.

Thursday, July 03, 2014

Brené Brown: Listening to shame

This is Brene Brown. I suggest you watch all her videos. I do! Why? because they all touched me in some way.
2 years ago while working my 4th step in a 12 step group I had a collision with shame, both past and present. It was a toxin in me. Something that was making it difficult to be happy and live a good life. It took me a month to deal with the shame I discovered I had been carrying around all these years. Brenes videos and books helped me!


Choose happy!

The art of forgiveness: Getting free from anger

This is the fourth and fifth posts in my Facebook on this. OK GOT IT! LOL

The art of forgiveness: Getting free from anger: "The art of forgiveness: Getting free from anger
Forgiveness is not easy when you have been betrayed. Instead, it's a way to grow toward being a happier, more loving person.

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Margaret Crowe

Resentment is one of the most damaging of human emotions. The perception of feeling wronged or betrayed can quickly harden into bitterness if we don’t make the effort to learn to grow past the fault we were dealt. Sometimes it may feel as though holding on to anger empowers us, or that if we forgive then we are approving of the action that hurt us so deeply. But you may be familiar with the cliché, “Holding on to bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. more,,,,,

and the fifth post today,,,

LDS Memes - New Testament - Luke 23:34:

The Twofold Promise of Forgiveness | True Woman

This seems to be the theme of the day. I had this subject come up on my Facebook wall three times today from different sources. Hum, there may be something to this message?

The Twofold Promise of Forgiveness | True Woman: "Forgiveness

Nancy Leigh DeMoss | 07.02.14
Twitter: @NancyDeMoss

I know just enough about computers, as they say, to be dangerous. But one thing I've learned the hard way is the meaning of that little button that's spelled D-E-L.
That's right. The delete key. (I'm guessing you know about that one yourself.)
Believers, of all people, should appreciate the joy of forgiveness . . . because of knowing what a treasure it is to be purely and perfectly forgiven.
Like you, I can think of times when I was working away at something on my computer and accidentally pressed the delete button, only to watch all my hard work vanish into thin air, leaving behind nothing but a blank screen of forgotten words."

'via Blog this'

Free at last: I forgive you

This is powerful!

Free at last: I forgive you: "

Forgiveness is letting go of the feelings associated with an offense or wrongdoing against us. This doesn't absolve fault, but does free the forgiver from the chains of anger, hatred and vengeance. We all offend and are offended, so why is it sometimes difficult to forgive?

We must forgive

God requires us to forgive and to repent so we can seek his forgiveness for our own transgressions. Through his example at Calvary, Jesus taught us forgiveness. Despite his torture — flogging, mocking and carrying his own cross and then his hands and feet being nailed to that cross, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

Many of us know this and still hold grudges against friends and family members while we quickly forgive a stranger. Why are the ones we can rely on, more,,,,,,

July is Sarcoma awareness month.

Well it is July again. July is Sarcoma awareness month. Until last July I was "unaware" so to speak! I was diagnosed with a Sarcoma tumor in my thigh last July 29th.

I guess awareness means getting informed. Know the symptoms, check yourself and your children. Because cancer survival is early detection! Also awareness is, getting the word out about this type cancer. Finding a cure, better treatments and detection methods, raising money for people who can't afford treatment, getting support. Knowledge is key!

I am aware! I hope that you don't have to get this diagnosis to make you aware. Make the yellow ribbon as recognisable as the pink ribbon!

Monday, June 23, 2014

Good news, EPIC news!

I just got the MRI results. trying to type while jumping around!

Drs message read, 
"MRI showed NO evidence of recurrent sarcoma. Good news"

He is a man of little words but he gets to the point! this will mark the second clear MRI since finishing radiation. I feel comfortable to call myself a cancer survivor, finally. My oncologist is also confident it seems as he pushed off the next MRI to 4 months instead of 3. I take that as good. 

Thursday, June 05, 2014

Forgive - Thursday, June 05, 2014 | Daily Word

Forgive - Thursday, June 05, 2014 | Daily Word: "Forgive
Mountain climbing with a heavy pack is difficult and burdensome, especially if the pack is full of unnecessary items. That’s how it feels when I carry the weight of resentment or anger with me day after day. Yet through the practice of forgiveness, I am able to let these burdens go."

If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.—Matthew 6:14

Monday, June 02, 2014

If I Can Be Thankful in This Situation . . .

If I Can Be Thankful in This Situation . . .
When you start to focus on things you’re thankful for, it just has a way of transforming your outlook, your attitude, and the whole environment around you

Monday, May 19, 2014

The not-so cold, hard truth about the open-intake, “kill” animal shelter and its employees | loveabullfoster

I love this!

The not-so cold, hard truth about the open-intake, “kill” animal shelter and its employees | loveabullfoster: "The not-so cold, hard truth about the open-intake, “kill” animal shelter and its employees"

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It Doesn't Hurt to Look, Does It? Porn can affect the whole family!

Here are some good articles on viewing porn, and the effects on the family.

It Doesn't Hurt to Look, Does It? | Psychology Today: "You might think viewing pornography can’t hurt a real-life relationship. Some even claim that erotic material impacts their relationships in positive ways. So a team of researchers at Florida State University developed an experiment to determine how consuming pornography affects adults' commitment to romantic relationships."
Pornography is everywhere. No longer is it just reserved for magazines. Pornography is found on the radio, the Internet, smartphones, television, in books, in emails and in ads and billboards that are all easily accessible to adults and children alike. telling your son about porn.
Pornography can take a desperate toll on marriage. According to Covenant Eyes’ 2014 statistics, 56 percent of divorce cases involve at least one party in the marriage who “obsessively” looks at porn.
There was a time in the United States that school children were taught that cigarette smoking didn't cause cancer. The tobacco industry profited from their parents' smoking while thousands died, according the Huffington Post. Now another industry profits from an addiction that can enter your home, free of charge, on your smartphone or iPad.

What I Wish My Friends Knew

Most pornography viewers are completely unaware of the harms and the negative side effects of pornography use. Here is a list of all the things that I wish my friends knew before they started watching porn.


Friday, May 16, 2014

How to Keep Our Thoughts from Making Us Miserable

How to Keep Our Thoughts from Making Us Miserable:

Dark Clouds

“Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” ~William Shakespeare
I thought I knew what happiness was. I experienced it, and did so for a while—that is, what I thought was happiness.
What I was calling happiness was merely an emotion. Emotions, feelings that arise in the body, come into existence when we have thoughts related to them.
When I have certain thoughts having to do with anger, then I will feel, actually physically feel, angry. When I have thoughts that are positive, then I will feel the feeling, or emotion, that we call happiness. more,,,,

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