Saturday, January 18, 2014

Cancer, the gift that keeps on giving.

I need to vent.
Another day dealing with the side affects of cancer treatment. (eff cancer!!)
 I have avoided updating my status on Facebook with my day to day struggles with cancer I think because I am avoiding it. I haven't written in my journal or blogged about it.. Avoiding dealing with it.  A lil self psychology. 

The wound from surgery in August hasn't fully healed due to the radiation treatment last Oct-Nov, done so soon after surgery. Now I have an staff infection in it and I am on the second round of antibiotics. I went to a wound nurse and discussed another possible surgery on the infected spot. It as has been a true challenge trying to bandage my thigh. Picture this, The top of your thigh is larger than the lower part and mine has been burn 3/4 of the way around it. So I cant use tape or any adhesives. I use wrap. Then I walk and it slides off. I wrap more and get creative with pinning to my underwear etc etc,, It slides off. UGH! Now I have to keep it clean and covered, (My Dr says, "Creen" lol he's Chinese). The wound nurse has a special dressing with a cream to soften the area I have to leave on until it heals. AND,, I cant shower for 2-3 days. UGH again!
In the mean time my Oncologist has not been able to a MRI to see if the radiation was able to zap the remaining tumor. So I may still have some cancer in there. AUGH!!
I have been dealing with this since surgery last Aug. I'm ready to move on. I want to take my dog on walks and sit and rest with out discomfort.  I am walking better without a cane now. That is good!
There I admitted it! I'm frustrated and I am allowing myself to feel defeated.
I have cancer it doesn't have me. I feel like I'm at my first 12 step meeting.
"My Name is Becca, I have cancer".  Hum maybe I touched on my problem. I have to face it!. Defeat it!


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