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This is a big hurdle for me and my husband. When I was first diagnosed I was numb, and I shut down. He interpreted it as I was ignoring him or mistreating him. He accused me of treating him like shit.
Then after we fought about that, and he made program calls. He realized he was being a jerk, (his words).He wasnt realising that I was in shock and shouldnt be expected to be myself. We were better for awhile then, he wasn't feeling like anyone was feeling sorry for him. After all his wife has cancer, and he is stressed and worried. He asked me if I understood what he was going through. Again, he made some program calls and came back to me explaining he was an idiot. Again, his words. {:) He felt I wasnt available to him to confort him. Looking back, I wasnt thanks to drugs, stress, and so many tests and Kaiser visits. Call it "overwhelmed". I'm not saying I was right in acting this way, but there is no right when dealing with cancer or Kaiser!
Lastly in resent weeks he wants to fix me. Do anything he can to make it better. When he can't he gets depressed and feels like hes not needed. Omg! I have to explain to him that I dont want a nurse, and sometimes when people hover over you it annoys you.
Luckily we both have great support in our program (12 step), our church and therapy.
Don't forget, pharmaceuticals. :)
The best advice I can give to couples on both sides of cancer is,,, Don't expect your spouse to act like themselves.
When it comes to the Cancer patients. There is no normal anymore. For crying out loud they just got diagnosed with the "death disease".
And your spouses are lost, confused and feeling out of control. They cant fix it or love it away.
When my husband and I finally talked about what we were feeling and stressing over things got better for us. Communication is the key!
One day at a time!
