Good news, EPIC news!

I just got the MRI results. trying to type while jumping around!

Drs message read, 
"MRI showed NO evidence of recurrent sarcoma. Good news"

He is a man of little words but he gets to the point! this will mark the second clear MRI since finishing radiation. I feel comfortable to call myself a cancer survivor, finally. My oncologist is also confident it seems as he pushed off the next MRI to 4 months instead of 3. I take that as good. 

Today I am grateful for...

(1) Today I am grateful for...: "Today I am grateful to be able to celebrate another birthday! At my age, I use to shutter at the thought of getting older. But 9 months ago I was diognosed with cancer. Thanks to modern medicine, and the love of God I made it through treatment. My future looks good and today I celebrate!"

Another Rant or vent post; Fighting cancer one moment at a time!

Feeling, "UGH' today. My thigh is swollen and I'm feeling "clammy". I got a Dr's appointment later. But my mind is racing with all the possibilities of why this swelling in this location. Near the lymph nodes.
I usually read cancer support boards for support, but today its painful and scary. Cancer reminds us that we are not invincible. Life is short and we don't always have control of what takes us and when. That feeling of being "out of control" is frightening! I think about how I was living before my diagnosis. I wasn't worried about dying. I went about my life as if I had years  to enjoy my life. Yet I could have been killed in a car crash or had a heart attack at any moment. It happens. We are all dying. But a cancer diagnoses gives you a hint of how you may die, and in some cases a date. Think about that. That's pretty scary!  That hard part is being able to not think about it and live your life. The people I hear about that can are true inspirations! It's easy to say you have to take life "One day at a time". or, "Live like you were dying". But its so hard to live it! Its harder when you're tired and not feeling well. You lose your momentum.
I'm tired of being sick and tired. I tired of going to Kaiser every 2 or 3 days! I want my life back. I want to go to work and make plans for my future. I don't want to have to cancel plans to go to Dr's appointments.  I want to walk my dog without pain. I want people to ask me how I am and not have an answer regarding my cancer. I want to be able to call myself a "survivor". That title is so important to me. It takes such a great level of patients to get there and I don't have a lot these days.
I refer to this as "Cancer the gift that keeps giving". If its not one thing its another. I went from diagnoses and the struggles to have tests and then surgery then to radiation and now the healing. The healing is as difficult as the treatments. A long a slow process.

Now that I have that off my chest, I can see that I have to relax. I have to live in the moment and take this one moment at a time. I am healing slowly. I have come a long way in my treatment. I haven't been given a death sentence so far. I have to stop trying to predict the future and live for today.
What am I grateful for? What are my blessings? How can I live like I was dying, even if its not for many many years?

For all of you who have just lost 5 minutes of your life reading this blog, I ask you a favor.

Live today like you were dying!

because you are!

Farewell 2013! You will not be missed!

This is not a fond farewell to 2013. This last year has been the most difficult year I can remember!

My mothers battle with Alzheimer's came to a end today.

I have spent the last week with my brother sitting at Kaiser while my Mom struggles to take her last few breaths. She had to be admitted a few days ago with phenomena. Alzheimer's has taken away her ability to swallow and breath for herself. We decided it was time. Kaiser gave us a nice private room for her to spend her final days in "Hospice". The medical fields word for death row.
This last week has been the hardest week for both my brother and I! It's not fair when the child has to make these kind of decision's!

After a long week my I could tell my Mom was ready to go. She was suffering and was afraid. I held her hand and prayed like I never prayed. I asked God to be mercy full and take her to be with him. With in a few minutes she gasped her final breath here on earth. I felt a calm come over me. A relief that she wont have to suffer anymore from this horrible decease.
I thanked God.
I cant help be be a little jealous. She is in a better place. There will be no more suffering no pain. She is with her parents and pets that she loved so much. I will miss her more than words! and if I had the power I would have found a cure and kept her here with me. But since that's not possible, this is a better plan!